Out-freaking-standing! I received a lot of creative entries from a lot of different people. All in all, the amount of creativity expended forces me to open up numerous categories for the taking. So, let us distill the best of the best for Ms. Mapes.

For the record, as Mr. Rather might say, choosing winners was harder than a concrete popsicle during a New York blizzard.

Books :

First Place: bsp, “The Mapes of Wrath.” Follow the disenfranchised staff of CBS News as they wander west through the wastes of Texas. “They tryin’ to break us. Why, Jesus Christ, Ma, they comes a time when the on’y way a fella can keep his decency is by takin’ a sock at Dick Thornburgh and Lou Boccardi. They’re workin’ on our decency.”
Second Place: DirtNap4U, “For Whom the Dell Tolls.” Mary and Dan, it tolls for thee.
Third Place: Rick Wesley, “Of Mapes and Men.” The ending sure would save us a lot of trouble. “Leslie, can I play with the puppies?” “Sure, Dan. Hey, look on the ground … are those authentic memos?” BLAMMO!

Honorable Mentions:

Kevin Stewart, “How to Fail in Journalism without Really Trying.” Self-explanatory, except in some people’s eyes they really did try.
George, “Looking for Mr. GoodForger.” Mary works at CBS by day, and becomes Terri at night, searching for memos in all the wrong places.
Wally, “Mein Rant.” This doesn’t mean I have to cite Godwin’s Law now, do I?
Dennis, “It Takes a Village Idiot.” Or a whole bunch of them.

Movies:

First Place: mikeymike, “There’s Something About Mary Mapes.” Thanks, man. A thought popped into my head concerning Mary, Dan, and hair gel, and I WANT IT OUT!
Second Place: Patricia, “The Greatest Fake but Accurate Story Ever Told.” Are you referring to Memogate, or daily news in general?
Third Place: Patrick, “Crouching Liars, Hidden Sources.” Martial arts masters Dan and Mary search for the Jade Fox, who gave Bill Burkett the memos.
Honorable Mention: Paul, “A Series of Unfortunate Invents.” So who plays the baby who bites everything?

Songs:

First Place: Rick Wesley, “Stand By Your Plan.” “…give her four memos to cling to …”
Second Place: Galen, “What’s Fonts and Character Spacing Got to Do With It?” “…who needs a font when a font can be broken?”
Third Place: Ken Good, “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” “…and everywhere that Mary went, her job was sure to go.”

TV shows:

First Place: Michael Smith, “Rather, Texas Danger.”
Second Place: Rob, “Whose Lie Is it Anyway?”
Third Place: Born Free, “I Rove Lucy.” “Mary, you got some ’splainin to do.”

Miscellaneous Awards:

The Rub it In Award goes to Galen, for recommending that the book be written with three separate typewriters with superscript “th” capability.

The Civility and Taste Award goes to Louisiana Lightning for “Who Gives a Font?”

The Nobody Likes a Wise Guy Award goes to Rob, for pointing out that the movies “Liar, Liar,” “Dumb and Dumber” and “Psycho” are contenders without having to change the names.

Once again, thanks to all who played. The response truly was awesome.